Many women carry a persistent confusion when it comes to their relationship with their mother; a feeling, a tension, a sense of not quite being seen, understood, or able to fully be yourself.
This can show up in subtle ways. You might notice yourself second-guessing your needs, feeling responsible for other people’s emotions, struggling with boundaries, or searching for a sense of worth in relationships, work, or your body. For others, the dynamic is more explicit, conflict, distance, or even periods of no contact.
What is often missed is that these patterns do not begin in adulthood. They are shaped over time, in the early relationship with mother, through attachment, emotional attunement, or the lack of it. Where there has been childhood emotional neglect (CEN), inconsistency, or narcissistic dynamics, the impact can continue long after childhood has ended.
Many women I work with have already tried to communicate, to repair, to make the relationship work. When those attempts are not received, it can lead to self-doubt, guilt, and eventually stepping back as a way of taking care of themselves.
Understanding this dynamic is an important turning point. It shifts the question from “what is wrong with me?” to “what has shaped me, and how can I begin to relate differently to myself?”
I’ve written a more in-depth article exploring this, including how these patterns form, how they show up in adulthood, and what healing can look like.
Read more here: Family Feud: The Mother–Daughter Relationship, Trauma and Healing
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